3 Tips For Dealing With Stress Around The Holidays
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While the holiday season can come with a lot of joy, it’s not always the most pleasant time for everyone. Spending time with family and friends can be overwhelming, emotionally draining, and downright stressful for many people. This isn’t to say that you don’t love your family and friends—these feelings aren’t mutually exclusive—but it could mean that you’re heading into the holidays feeling tense and apprehensive. If you are, don’t worry, I’m here to help you!
The goal of this week’s blog post is to help you get ahead of these feelings and give you a few tips that will allow you to make the holidays as happy and stress-free as possible. My hope is that by the end of this, you feel prepared to handle and cope with whatever comes up.
So, here are my top three tips for dealing with stress around the holidays.
1. Go in with a plan.
When I’m stressing out about something, take the holidays for instance, my mind starts to race and I think of what could happen. I imagine all of the possible situations that could come up—especially ones that would make me uncomfortable or ruin my mood. If you're someone who gets stressed around the holidays, chances are you are also thinking of those situations, and they’re evoking these feelings in you. Maybe you’re dreading seeing that one relative who always insults you, or a “friend” who makes you feel bad. My advice to you in this case is to go into the holidays with a plan. In other words, take all of the situations that you’re afraid will happen and use them to mentally prepare yourself. Think of these situations in terms of if/then statements, like “if X thing happens, then I will do Y.” Here are two sample situations and plans:
If a friend or family member says something that triggers you, take a moment, go to the bathroom, and take five or more long, super deep breaths. Tell yourself “it is okay” in your head as many times as you need to hear it. Then return to the table/situation and change the subject.
If someone brings up a topic you aren’t comfortable discussing, say “eh, I don’t really want to talk about that. How’s [ask them something about their life here]?” People love talking about themselves, so divert the attention away from yourself if you don’t want to discuss something.
Bottom line: Set yourself up for what could happen, and have a plan in place that you can practice/internalize ahead of time. That way, if the situation comes up, you aren’t caught off guard and speechless. Instead of just thinking about what could happen, think about how you want to handle the situation if it happens. We cannot control other people’s actions—if they’re going to say something, they’re going to say it, no matter how much you try to will it away—but we can control how we respond to them. Decide how you want to react ahead of time, so you can walk away from the situation proud and, ultimately, unfazed.
2. Draw boundaries.
Oooo I love a good boundary. Drawing boundaries is something I’ve been able to master as I’ve gotten older, and boy, does it make my life better! I have no problem telling someone that I don’t want to talk about something, that I need alone time, that I don’t like the way they’re speaking to me, etc. Drawing boundaries can take many forms, and it isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.
For example, if you’re going to a family dinner and you do not want to talk about your relationship or dating life, you can either a) make your friends or whoever will be there aware of this boundary ahead of time or b) tell them in the moment that you do not want to talk about it. Whatever you choose, the key to drawing boundaries is to stick to them. You don’t want to be someone who says “I will not be doing this,” only to have someone else convince you to, and then you cave to their desires.
Another example could be if you do not want to drink one night. There will always be people who want you to, but you have to decide what YOU want for yourself. If you say “I’m not drinking tonight,” hold that line! There will certainly be people who say “aw, come on, lighten up, have a drink!” (Keep in mind, these people only want you to drink for their benefit, not for yours. People always think of themselves.) If you concede and go back on your word, it shows that you aren’t serious about your boundaries and that you can be manipulated.
Bottom line: Decide on your boundaries ahead of time, draw them when the time comes, and stick to your word. Don’t let other people change your answer, no matter how relentless they are. Afterward, you’ll feel better knowing you stuck to what you wanted to do, and believe it or not, people will respect you more for drawing the boundary. Next time, they probably won’t pressure you as much.
3. Avoid optional situations that you know will upset you.
I’m convinced that every person on the planet is a people pleaser, to some extent. (Some more than others, of course.) But when it comes to the holidays and stressful situations—aka ones that you spend months dreading, or that you try every excuse you can to get out of—I implore you to choose yourself more. If you don’t want to go to a holiday party, because you don’t want to spend time with the people who are there, find it within yourself to say no. You should obviously be polite when you decline, but why would you stress yourself out beyond measure just to (maybe) please someone else? I’ll say it again: Everyone is thinking of themselves. They want you at their holiday party because they want people there. Obviously your real friends do want to spend time with you because they love you, but I’m not talking about those cases; chances are you aren’t trying to avoid your real friends and you don’t find spending time with them stressful.
Bottom line: Don’t say yes to something just to please someone else. Steer clear of situations that you know will trigger or upset you. You’re not going to be able to avoid these situations everytime—we all have obligations that we can’t say no to, and it’s impossible to never be upset in this life. But in situations where you have a choice, choose yourself. Do what you want to do and what’s going to make you happy—not what’s going to stress you out and make the holidays harder.
Utilize these three steps, and I promise your holiday season will go much more smoothly. You’ve got this! I believe in you.
Until next time,
xo Renata