How To Cope With Depression—My Advice
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The conversation around mental health has expanded and deepened A LOT—more and more people are talking about their struggles every day—but we still have a long way to go if we’re going to actually destigmatize mental health (which I see as a goal that would truly benefit us all).
Personally, I’ve dealt with depression at various points throughout my life, the most recent being the depression that stemmed from the death of my long-time partner last year. I felt emotions and pain beyond anything I’d ever felt before, and it’s taken until now, almost a full year later, for me to feel like I’m coming out on the other side. No one is immune to mental health struggles. And more than that, everyone’s emotions are valid, no matter what they’re going through. As the incredible Keke Palmer puts it, one person’s fight and one person’s struggle does not trump another. We’re all here, doing our best, trying to put one foot in front of the other.
May is Mental Health Awareness month, and in the interest of helping anyone who might be going through something right now, I thought I would share what has helped me get through one of the hardest years of my life. Below you will find three tips/learnings—I hope they help you like they did me.
1. Prioritize taking care of yourself at the most basic level
On a typical day, when I’m feeling happy and bright, I do a lot of things that I would consider “self-care.” But in the throes of depression, when I’ve been at my lowest, I wasn’t taking baths, doing face masks, or working out. I was at home, by myself, trying to get through my day.
If you have depression, you have probably felt the overwhelming sense of fatigue and lack of energy I’m talking about. It may feel like you literally cannot leave bed, and that’s okay. But regardless of how you’re feeling, I encourage you to try your best to take care of yourself in the most fundamental and essential ways. I’m talking about feeding yourself, bathing, and changing your clothes. Depriving yourself of food will not help your depression, and the same goes for letting your personal hygiene fall by the wayside.
If you have to sit down in the bathtub to make yourself clean your body each day, do it. If you have to order in or ask a loved one for their help to get food, do it. Do whatever necessary (within reason, of course) to ensure that you maintain your cleanliness and you are getting vital nutrients. I’m not saying that this will be easy or even feel good, but I can promise you that neglecting these parts of your life will not help you surmount your depression any sooner. Each day, focus on one, two, or three things you want to accomplish, and make those your top priorities.
2. Realize that sometimes you will have to force yourself to do things, and that’s okay.
Many people, including myself, tend to isolate themselves when they feel depressed. They don’t talk to other people, share what they’re feeling, or make plans to spend time with others. So they end up sitting in their depressive state alone. This might feel like the right choice at the time—maybe you feel guilty, like you don’t want to spread your depression to others, or maybe you are embarrassed, or you just feel despondent. Whatever you’re feeling and experiencing is valid, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way, or that the feeling will last forever.
For me, I’ve found that sometimes I just have to make myself do things. There are times when I’ve had to make myself go to the grocery store, or go for a walk, go to dinner with a friend, or go see a client. When that happens, I try to make my responsibilities as convenient and easy as possible—like ordering my groceries online ahead of time and going to pick them up—and I make concrete plans and commitments—like dinner reservations, client appointments, haircuts, doctor's visits. That way, I have an extra push to do the tasks I need to do and the activities that I know bring me joy. Speaking of those…
3. Make a list of the activities and/or behaviors that bring you joy.
I keep a list in my phone AND in my journal of the activities and little things I like doing that bring me joy. Not only does the list help remind me of what makes me me, but it’s a huge help when I’m feeling down and don’t have the energy to make decisions or figure out what to do next. Instead, I can pull up my list and pick whatever feels the easiest and most enjoyable. Some items on my list include:
Going for a walk outside
Watching a distracting TV show or my favorite movie
Lighting a candle and curling up on the couch with a blanket and book
Calling a loved one
Journaling out my thoughts so I can clear my mind
Taking a warm bath or shower
Doing a short workout at home, if I feel like it
Taking myself out to dinner or a movie
Having a healthy-ish sweet treat, like these zucchini brownies!
I highly recommend making your own list that you can turn to when you’re feeling down.
I hope it goes without saying that these three tips/learnings are not going to totally solve your depression—like I said, it’s taken a while to come to terms with mine and make progress. If you feel like you need more support and maybe the help of a professional or medication, seeking out a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist could be a good next step. There are really wonderful resources out there now to help you find reliable and affordable therapy, like BetterHelp, or TalkSpace. The world of telehealth has really opened since the pandemic, which has allowed more people access to the support they want and need.
If you are dealing with more severe mental illness, or are having suicidal thoughts, please dial 988 for the National Suicide Crisis Lifeline. They have people working 24/7 who are ready and capable of helping you. You are valuable, you are special, and you belong here.
For more articles like this, and a supportive community that can be there for you through whatever you’re dealing with, I hope you’ll consider joining the Pure Joy Squad. Until then, be well, my friends.
Xo,
Renata