7 Lessons I Learned This Year

This week I will celebrate my 66th birthday! Woohoo! Happy, happy birthday to me and to anyone else born on the same day. We Scorpios are so blessed to get another turn around the sun.

I’m fully aware that not everyone gets to be my age. It’s a gift, an honor, a blessing, and a privilege. Each year around my birthday, I enjoy taking a few moments to reflect on what’s transpired over the last 12 months—and to think about how I can keep growing in ways that support my physical health and my emotional/mental well-being. 

I’ll be honest with you: This has not been an easy year for me to look back on. Anxiety, Fear, Isolation, Loneliness, Loss, and Grief were my frequent companions. As many of you know, the month after my 65th birthday in 2021, my partner of 17 years was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I spent six months being his caregiver (he passed in late May), and the remaining months just trying to get a grip on my new normal. It has not been easy. But, if nothing else, this year has served up countless lessons which, if my circumstances had been different, might have taken me a lot longer to learn.

Here are seven lessons I learned this year. 

1. I learned to slow down and not apologize for needing to take care of myself. 

I tend to put others before myself, whether it’s my family, friends, or clients. This year, I learned a serious lesson in making my own health and well-being a top priority, because I realized I cannot pour from an empty cup. Saying “no” or bailing on something to care for myself used to make me feel so guilty, but when I’m honest with people, they always understand. The people who love you most want you to be happy and healthy, not drained and depressed. Those are the people you want in your life, anyway. 

2. I learned to not take my health for granted. 

As much as I’ve always valued my health, I’m definitely guilty of taking it for granted. My partner’s passing made me realize that absolutely nothing is guaranteed, and that just having the opportunity to wake up is something to be grateful for. Now, I’m even more tuned into my health and focused on my longevity than I was before this year, and I practice gratitude for my body and its abilities every day.

3. I learned the true value of a community. 

When you’re feeling lonely and isolated, and you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, there is nothing like a community to make you feel supported and loved. Or rather, there is nothing like THIS community. Having the PJW community day in and day out has been an invaluable part of my healing process. On days when I was feeling down, I could pop into our group and see that someone had shared a recent win or made a kind comment, or that you all were slaying the Walking Challenge. It brought a lot of light to some pretty dark days. I always knew this community was powerful, but this year, you all showed up tenfold. 

4. I learned to live with less. 

For me, this recent loss put into perspective the things that I really need in life. It made me revisit questions like: What really makes me happy? What things do I need and which can I live without? I basically reevaluated all of my needs, desires, and priorities, and made some changes to align with my new normal. As a result, I’ve learned to live with less. I’ve cut out the extra clutter in my life—actual clutter and mental clutter, too—and I have to say, it’s been a beautiful thing. Living in alignment with your values and needs is extremely clarifying, and I recommend it to everyone. Take an hour, write down what you need in this life, and what you want. Then, ask yourself: Are there areas you can adapt or grow? Can you align more with your needs? Seriously, try it. Life-changing. 

5. I learned to ask for help. 

I’ve always been a “grin and bear it” kind of person—I like being responsible for myself and I rely on my strength to get me through tough situations. But this year, I learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. The strongest people know when to ask for help and have the courage to be vulnerable enough to do so. This year, I reahed out to my friends and family when I needed it, and I was met with love and support. I can’t say this enough: If you’re struggling, reach out to someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, family, or therapist. We cannot get through life alone, nor should we have to.

6. I grew my gratitude and learned to cherish all those little moments. 

No matter what I’m doing, gratitude is now at the forefront of my mind. I’ve learned to cherish small moments: hearing the birds chirp during my morning walk, sipping herbal tea before bed, lighting a candle while I read my book. This year has emphasized the importance of living in the present moment—not thinking too far ahead, and not looking back. 

7. I learned to adapt (still a work in progress) and build my resilience

This year, my life changed overnight, and that took some serious getting used to. My heart heals a little more every day, and as a result, my resilience has grown. I’ve learned to adapt to my current situation and accept it, rather than get mentally trapped in the past. Again, it’s not easy, but every day, I get a little better. 

If any of these lessons resonated with you, or you have emotional, mental, or physical goals you’re striving for, I encourage you to join the Pure Joy Squad, which you can learn more about here. 

Xo, 

Renata